Chapter 14 : Foreign thoughts
Micky's side story
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I woke up at noon.
Japan welcomed us with squealing girls and I couldn’t get it yet; what’s with that screaming and crying? I tried to be nice and smile but my head was still dizzy because of the flight. I know I should be used to airplanes by now but it’s just that I preferred cars more. Maybe I was ungrateful, but this fame was tiring me as hell. It would be enough for me to just compose and know that people like and respect my music.
Not to mention the fact that everyone knew everything about me and was stalking my every move, I had to pretend a lot, and maybe that was the worst part of it. For example, if I feel sleepy, tired, in a bad mood or even sick, I still have to act as everyone wants me to.
Of course I shouldn’t complain, I was young rich and famous, but I wished something else, like more meaning in life…
I wondered what really makes your life purposeful; could it be working till late hours and seeing the fruits of your work blossoming, doing what you want and living to the fullest or fulfilling your dream? But haven’t I already done it at least in some way? I was working hard, having fun and making my dream come true on the stage. But still it doesn’t seemed real, like it would need some other element to make everything complete.
-Hyung, food is ready,-Junsu came in smiling.
-Give me five minutes, - I said and went to have a shower.
The water helped to wash my thoughts away, and that was good, because keeping them would make me flustered again.
The smell from the kitchen was good so that means that JaeJoong has placed his hands on our meal. It was long time since he cooked.
-Sit, Chunie, we made it together with Jae, it will be so delicious that you’ll feel grateful to us for the rest of your life!-Junsu said with his cute dolphin voice.
-Than maybe I shouldn’t eat it.
-But…but you have to chunie, I cried while chopping the onions for you,-he said with bitter eyes.
-I was kidding Junsu. Lets eat.
-Is something wrong today?-Junsu asked me.
-Don’t talk while eating. You may choke.
-I just finished,-he chuckled.
-You mean you just sit to the table? I should be the one asking what’s wrong with you then.
-Jae, don’t talk to Yoochun, he woke up with the wrong foot and will scold you as he scolded me,-Junsu said complaining while washing his plate.
-I’ll keep silent because you’re starting to piss me off and I’m not in the mood to listen to your squealing,-I said more to myself because no one was listening.
-So what where you saying, Jae?-he tried to ignore me.
-Nothing. I was eating and you kept talking to yourself.
So what now, dolphin boy, hyung is on my side?
-Someone should bring a girl to wash the dishes,-Junsu said again.
-But didn’t Changmin had a girlfriend?-I asked.
-He did. But he fucked up. But he still cares for her,-dolphin replied.
-Maybe we should talk to him, he’s the youngest …
-And the biggest Casanova too,-JaeJoong interrupted me.
But we went silent as Changmin came in. He took everything he found in the frying pan and suspiciously looked at us.
-What? Are you talking behind my back?
-No,-Junsu said quickly.
-As you say it I begin to believe in that even more.
-How are you feeling? About that girl I mean…-I asked cautiously.
-I feel…sorry. I really do. But it’s not your business.
-You know that we can help, if you need us,-I patted on his shoulder.
-Well I don’t! I don’t need anyone’s help! It’s useless anyway…-Changmin said holding his head as if his thoughts were too heavy for him to handle.
-You should go for her. If you really care about her, and you are able to prove it to her, she may forgive you,- I replied.
-I do hyung, but the more I think about it, the more my mind tells me to let her go. It was the first time I hurt her and it was because of the stupid thing that I forgot and even had no intentions to do…Just a stupid thing… but what will be, when photographs will start running after her and journalist will be coming up with every personal detail of her life, what will be if our fans or antis will try bulling her? There are so many things she’s too fragile for, and they don’t even contain me, who may hurt her the most, you know I’m a player and I’m not sure myself if I can be just with one woman…I’m so afraid hyungs, I’m afraid that it’s wrong for me to be with her, I’m afraid to hurt her, to leave her, to make wrong decision…
-It’s okay Changmin, just do what you need to and we’ll be by your side,-I said and hugged him.
I truly felt sorry for Changmin, because I wouldn’t know what to do either.
You may forget feelings in time and live safe and sound; I think this is what he thought about letting her go. She had to be special in some way if Changmin looked at her, so I’m sure she would overcome this in time. You know, things that come into media stay there for the rest of your life time and even when it’s finally forgotten someone still may dig up something and ruin your life.
I do understand his doubts.
Maybe if they wouldn’t have a chance to separate he wouldn’t have thought about it in this way…
Our kid is certainly growing up to a man. A year a go he would simply ******** around with girls just for fun, and now finally, I could sense maturity from him.
But even if I felt sorry for him, I was a bit jealous also, because he had deep feelings to a person, maybe he even felt love.
And then a thought popped up in my head. I know it may sound cheesy, but wasn’t love the thing I missed in my link?
But there again, this feeling has to be strong and come up from the depths of your heart, but the only strong feeling that usually led me through the day was irritation because of Junsu stupidity.
I can not just fall for someone and begin to carry a special feeling. I’m pretty sure I would be better at composing then, but nevertheless, I have no choice as to wait for it, right?
Micky's side story
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I woke up at noon.
Japan welcomed us with squealing girls and I couldn’t get it yet; what’s with that screaming and crying? I tried to be nice and smile but my head was still dizzy because of the flight. I know I should be used to airplanes by now but it’s just that I preferred cars more. Maybe I was ungrateful, but this fame was tiring me as hell. It would be enough for me to just compose and know that people like and respect my music.
Not to mention the fact that everyone knew everything about me and was stalking my every move, I had to pretend a lot, and maybe that was the worst part of it. For example, if I feel sleepy, tired, in a bad mood or even sick, I still have to act as everyone wants me to.
Of course I shouldn’t complain, I was young rich and famous, but I wished something else, like more meaning in life…
I wondered what really makes your life purposeful; could it be working till late hours and seeing the fruits of your work blossoming, doing what you want and living to the fullest or fulfilling your dream? But haven’t I already done it at least in some way? I was working hard, having fun and making my dream come true on the stage. But still it doesn’t seemed real, like it would need some other element to make everything complete.
-Hyung, food is ready,-Junsu came in smiling.
-Give me five minutes, - I said and went to have a shower.
The water helped to wash my thoughts away, and that was good, because keeping them would make me flustered again.
The smell from the kitchen was good so that means that JaeJoong has placed his hands on our meal. It was long time since he cooked.
-Sit, Chunie, we made it together with Jae, it will be so delicious that you’ll feel grateful to us for the rest of your life!-Junsu said with his cute dolphin voice.
-Than maybe I shouldn’t eat it.
-But…but you have to chunie, I cried while chopping the onions for you,-he said with bitter eyes.
-I was kidding Junsu. Lets eat.
-Is something wrong today?-Junsu asked me.
-Don’t talk while eating. You may choke.
-I just finished,-he chuckled.
-You mean you just sit to the table? I should be the one asking what’s wrong with you then.
-Jae, don’t talk to Yoochun, he woke up with the wrong foot and will scold you as he scolded me,-Junsu said complaining while washing his plate.
-I’ll keep silent because you’re starting to piss me off and I’m not in the mood to listen to your squealing,-I said more to myself because no one was listening.
-So what where you saying, Jae?-he tried to ignore me.
-Nothing. I was eating and you kept talking to yourself.
So what now, dolphin boy, hyung is on my side?
-Someone should bring a girl to wash the dishes,-Junsu said again.
-But didn’t Changmin had a girlfriend?-I asked.
-He did. But he fucked up. But he still cares for her,-dolphin replied.
-Maybe we should talk to him, he’s the youngest …
-And the biggest Casanova too,-JaeJoong interrupted me.
But we went silent as Changmin came in. He took everything he found in the frying pan and suspiciously looked at us.
-What? Are you talking behind my back?
-No,-Junsu said quickly.
-As you say it I begin to believe in that even more.
-How are you feeling? About that girl I mean…-I asked cautiously.
-I feel…sorry. I really do. But it’s not your business.
-You know that we can help, if you need us,-I patted on his shoulder.
-Well I don’t! I don’t need anyone’s help! It’s useless anyway…-Changmin said holding his head as if his thoughts were too heavy for him to handle.
-You should go for her. If you really care about her, and you are able to prove it to her, she may forgive you,- I replied.
-I do hyung, but the more I think about it, the more my mind tells me to let her go. It was the first time I hurt her and it was because of the stupid thing that I forgot and even had no intentions to do…Just a stupid thing… but what will be, when photographs will start running after her and journalist will be coming up with every personal detail of her life, what will be if our fans or antis will try bulling her? There are so many things she’s too fragile for, and they don’t even contain me, who may hurt her the most, you know I’m a player and I’m not sure myself if I can be just with one woman…I’m so afraid hyungs, I’m afraid that it’s wrong for me to be with her, I’m afraid to hurt her, to leave her, to make wrong decision…
-It’s okay Changmin, just do what you need to and we’ll be by your side,-I said and hugged him.
I truly felt sorry for Changmin, because I wouldn’t know what to do either.
You may forget feelings in time and live safe and sound; I think this is what he thought about letting her go. She had to be special in some way if Changmin looked at her, so I’m sure she would overcome this in time. You know, things that come into media stay there for the rest of your life time and even when it’s finally forgotten someone still may dig up something and ruin your life.
I do understand his doubts.
Maybe if they wouldn’t have a chance to separate he wouldn’t have thought about it in this way…
Our kid is certainly growing up to a man. A year a go he would simply ******** around with girls just for fun, and now finally, I could sense maturity from him.
But even if I felt sorry for him, I was a bit jealous also, because he had deep feelings to a person, maybe he even felt love.
And then a thought popped up in my head. I know it may sound cheesy, but wasn’t love the thing I missed in my link?
But there again, this feeling has to be strong and come up from the depths of your heart, but the only strong feeling that usually led me through the day was irritation because of Junsu stupidity.
I can not just fall for someone and begin to carry a special feeling. I’m pretty sure I would be better at composing then, but nevertheless, I have no choice as to wait for it, right?
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